It’s a Friday morning. I am supposed to be working. I kind of am. I am working with the IT Department as we upgrade some software and solve some operating system issues. Anyway, as I am waiting for the latest downloads to complete (about 45 minutes left) I have been browsing Facebook. I stumbled on a post and I have to weigh in. It is a sharing of this blog. oldschoolnewscoolmom You can click and read it if you like or here is the Readers Digest version…
Mom tells 3 year old what to do.
3 year old does what she wants.
Mom caves and resorts to referring to the daughter as an a–hole.
Mom includes all 3 year olds in this category.
I gotta tell you, I am deeply disturbed by this. I was not the perfect parent. I made plenty of mistakes and I learned from most of them I think. But, who would resort to such name calling and then put it on the internet for all to see?
In the late 90’s and through 2003, I worked with an organization called Calm Waters. This was an organization started after the Oklahoma City Bombing and its work was specifically to help children and adults handle grief. As a volunteer facilitator of grief support groups. In the training, one of the topics was boundaries and how children need boundaries. The boundaries have to be well-defined and strong. It is how children find security and safety in their world. They constantly test the boundaries to see if they can still feel safe and secure. It is in that environment that they can then concentrate on growing and thriving.
I remember an exercise in groups with parents that we often would do. It always occurred after a parent would ask a question about how to get their child to do what they wanted. The exercise was simple. All the parents would be asked to sit on the front of their chair and then reach around to the center of their back. After placing their hand in the center of their back, they would then be asked to run their hand up and down their back. In this exercise, they discovered….yes, you guessed it, their spine. It is a gift from God especially for parents!
Just a few days before I stumbled on this blog post from this mother frustrated with her 3 year old, I was in a cafe. There was a mother with 2 toddlers and she had them in front of a television. There was something on the television that one of the children pointed out to his mom. He kept repeating, “Mommy, look at this. Mommy, look at this.”
Over and over again he pleaded. When she finally looked up from her conversation with another woman, what the youngster wanted her to see was gone and he began to cry.
The mom loudly said to the young boy, “My life was so much better before kids.”
Being a parent is hard. No one can deny it. You never get a break. You have to make the rules. You have to enforce the rules over and over again. You have to love no matter what. And often, you cannot verbalize your particular emotion at a given moment.
Being a parent is hard. . .but, God picked you! God picked you! He picked you to be the absolute in your child’s life. It’s a big job, no disputing it. But, God picked you.